Beauty-Full
I’m cute.
I’m not drop-dead gorgeous or a Victoria Secret super model, but I’ve been called “pretty,” and even “beautiful” (occasionally) throughout my life. These labels and other people’s opinions about my looks have obviously played a role in my life, but I only recently realized just how big a role when I received a beauty mark that went more than skin deep – thanks to my parrot.
My loving yet slightly neurotic African Grey, Anaya, doesn’t like me anywhere other than directly in her line of sight. So when she saw me packing suitcases the night before my flight to Charleston where I was giving my first big Redvolution talk and a day-long Redvolution workshop, she was not a happy feather ball. In fact, she climbed up on the bed and began tossing my belts, shirts, and Cosabella underwear out of my suitcase. She was making a total mess. So I picked her up and brought her to my face for a kiss, as I have done a hundred times before, but instead of letting me kiss her cute beak and ruffle her soft feathers, she bit me. Hard. So hard that she tore off a chunk of skin right below my lip. I screamed, threw the startled parrot on the bed, and ran to the bathroom where I screamed again (and again and again) as I investigated the bloody, oozing, open wound that no amount of cover up or careful lighting could hide.
Then I did what any normal woman would do: I cried, I prayed, I swore like a princess who had just lost her crown. If I could have, I would have risked the delicate balance of the space-time continuum, just so I could time travel a few minutes back and place that ornery bird in her cage instead of on my lip.
Staring at that nasty red wound on my face I actually seriously considered cancelling my trip and hiding out in my San Fran apartment till the wound healed. Yeah, that’s enlightened - cancelling a talk and workshop and seeing my family and friends because of a minor flesh wound. Sure I was totally stressed out about my talk and workshop. Sure I was PMSing. Sure I had only had about two hours of sleep for the past few nights. But, still. The non-reactive part of me was in shock at how much this small little incident affected me. The feelings that poured forth through my open wound spoke volumes. They made me reflect back on the role my looks have played in my life.
When I was a young girl, strangers in the grocery store, at restaurants, on airplanes would often comment on how pretty I was. I didn’t totally understand what they were saying, but I dug it. I felt, even at that young age, the advantage it gave me. The power it afforded me, the respect, the attention, and maybe even the love. My looks kept me out of the “loser” group at various schools despite my “quirky” interests in all things spiritual and metaphysical. They helped me be picked first for teams and groups and certain job positions. They constantly guaranteed a dance, a date, a relationship, and devout secret admirers. My cute innocent face kept me safe and well protected when I traveled alone in India, Nepal, Tibet and Turkey (I was often fawned over by local woman, which kept me protected from the men, and got me many free yummy home-cooked meals). My looks, possibly, even made people give my work, my studies, my voice more attention. And the list goes on. Bottom line: my physical appearance has been an important factor in how my life has played out.
When I arrived in Charleston the next day and explained the wound on my face to my parents, my mom simply said, “Well Sera, this is a great chance for you to realize that who you are is more important than what you look like.” Duh. Could that be any more of a “mom” thing to say? “But why now?” I sulked. Why couldn’t a spiritual beauty lesson happen at a time when I had no place to go or no one to see or no big talks to give or intimate workshops to run? Why? Because the red path is about learning and growing through direct lived experience. Taking the red pill means that you are constantly bending over so the universe can kick yer ass (lovingly) over and over again. It’s one thing to sit alone and journal about my beauty issues (which I did do after my trip, see below), it’s another to be in front of a large crowd of people with bright lights and a camera crew and speak my divine stuff with an open wound waving a gooey red flag right below my lips.
But I did it. Thanks to my mom channeling The Red Lady, I gained perspective, quickly remembered my priorities, and my sense of humor. I reset my focus, slapped my own ass back into gear and later that night in front of all those people, I spoke from my true beauty. I offered the red goods. I did what I was there to do, and I of course, completely forgot about the wound.
Why am I blogging about this minor incident that I made into a lifetime drama? Because there’s a tendency to think that it’s not all that “spiritually correct” to be into your looks - hence all the robed and shorn monks, swamis, priests and nuns in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity and the conservative clothing, unattractive grandma undies, and prescribed hair styles of some Mormons, orthodox Jews and conservative Muslims. Hell, even certain groups within the New Age arena dress only in loose body-masking materials or certain bland colors so they can ascend the physical body and morph into love and light and cosmic popcorn for angels (spiritual people tend to forget that angels swoon for Cosabella underwear).
Fact is, “spiritual” peeps have always had a complex relationship with beauty – we praise it when we’re looking at nature or classical art or anything we deem as perfect or transcendent. But we often have a difficult time recognizing and honoring beauty when it’s fleshy, sweaty, dirty, and immanently imperfect. We desire beauty, we feel bad about desiring it. We’re attracted to it and we feel less than evolved for being attracted to it. We feel guilty about striving for physical beauty and sometimes we even see beauty as something that stands in the way of spirituality. There are countless stories of saints, especially Christian female saints, who prayed God would take their physical beauty away so they could be better at loving Him. Some of these women cut all their hair off or did something painful to permanently mar their faces so they could be closer to God. Feminine beauty in particular has been feared, abused, worshipped, objectified, misunderstood and carefully controlled (especially through the religious traditions) for millennium.
In my red opinion, part of the divine feminine’s role on the planet at this time is to free beauty from external standards, definitions and limitations. And also, importantly and somewhat paradoxically, the divine feminine reminds us to honor beauty and experience the physical world and our lovely flesh (no mater what shape or size or color) as Spirit incarnate. “Notice me, appreciate me, adore me, ” the DF winks from every redwood tree, fleshy thigh, African Grey parrot, and mirror. Acknowledging beauty is an affirmation of the DF’s universe…but divine beauty is not exactly a beauty that can be controlled or carved or injected. It’s not standardized. It’s not perfect. It’s not often found in beauty magazines, or on runways, or on the T.V. Divine beauty can only be truly discovered when we rip off the lenses our culture has encouraged (and sometimes forced) us to wear. We know this.
For me, true beauty can only be experienced when I keep my gaze on Goddess and Her gaze on me. This isn’t easy. There are things I really don’t like about the way I look, especially my asymmetrical face, which makes every camera an enemy (perfect for someone who is about to be filmed in a feature documentary, eh? Hooray, for the Red path! I’m bending over). But keeping my gaze on Goddess means that I practice accepting what I see in the mirror and I ask (over and over) to see myself the way She sees me. Also, I try not to be overly attached to my physical looks, but I do take the time and make the effort to take good care of my body, celebrate my unique face, and allow the universe to shine through me, as me. If I try to be old-school “spiritually correct” and downplay my looks, or shrug away compliments, or pretend my looks don’t matter, I would be lying and denying Her grandness, Her beauty, Her radiant presence that is embodied in every human woman.
But back to my story.
The emotional tizzy I went through because of this little parrot-biting incident made me realize that I had some unconscious energetic pimples I needed to pop. So when I got back from my crazy busy trip, I chilled out, tuned in, and The Red Lady told me I had 9 false beliefs about my beauty rooted in my unconscious that she wanted me to dig out so I could plant 9 new true beliefs about beauty to replace them.
As usual, with unconscious work, my logical mind was all “I do NOT believe that!”…but my deeper mind was saying that somewhere inside, these beliefs were lurking around . So here we go with another list. My spirit is so freakin’ orderly.
False Beliefs (making mud pies out of my inner beauty supplies)
1. My beauty will save me
2. I won’t be seen if I’m not beautiful
3. I won’t be heard if I’m not beautiful
4. I won’t be loved if I’m not beautiful
5. I won’t be successful if I’m not beautiful
6. I’m not divine if I’m not beautiful
7. I won’t be protected if I’m not beautiful
8. Lack of beauty means lack of spirit
9. If I’m not beautiful I fail
Nice ones, eh? My unconscious never fails to shock the hell out of me. Where did they come from? The media, fourth grade gym class, spiritual traditions, my family, friends, culture, my past lives, some crazy invisible secret agents who like to distract women from their deeper meaning, power, and purpose by encouraging them to obsess and spend insane amounts of money and time and energy on their looks, which holds millions of women back from owning and beaming out their true beauty and truth and love and wisdom and prevents them from being of even greater service on this planet. These secret agents implant our unconscious with beliefs like those up above - beliefs that directly or indirectly tell us that our worth is measured by our looks, so that no matter how many Oprah shows we see, or therapists we visit, or workshops we take, or beauty rituals we do, or feminist classes we take, we still can’t shake their carefully crafted false beauty myth out of our cellular reality. And sistas, we need to shake and bake those suckers if we want to be All we’re here to Be.
OK, so then I quieted down and listened in for the new beliefs about beauty.
True Beliefs (that make my cells shimmer and shine):
1. I am beautiful because of who I am
2. My beauty is not dependent on my physical appearance
3. My beauty is a clear reflection of the Divine Feminine
4. I am “seen” because of my spirit, my presence, my courage, my heart, my love
5. I am heard because of the authentic way I communicate my true self
6. I am loved because of who I am, not what I look like
7. My success and work does not depend on how I look
8. My real beauty is my truth and birthright and a reflection of my spirit in physical form
9. My physical beauty is in service of the Divine Feminine
Now as super obvious, slightly fluffy and somewhat contradictory as some of these “True Beliefs” may sound, they were important intuitive planters that with practice and intention can help blossom into my lived reality. Hopefully. If not, Anaya is here to remind me.
Next on the wacky spiritual agenda for Sera’s morning: Blinking in my mind’s eye, flashing on my intuitive T.V. screen, I saw that although those false beauty beliefs were nixed from my unconscious (they were now made conscious), I was still energetically plugged into a ton of external sources for my beauty mojo - the culture, religions, my family, schooling, friends, the media, fashion magazines, past boyfriends, and the invisible secret agents and so on and so forth. “Holy Crap!” I oh so profoundly responded to this humbling visual. So, I got active. I visualized myself yanking those plugs out of those particular energy- sucking sockets, like I would pull a lamp cord out of a wall. One by one I yanked, pulled, ripped, and cleared.
After I was done with my little energetic exercise I felt better, but I was still holding all these unplugged cords. “So now what?” I asked. I heard a distinct polite “Ahem…”. Oh yeah. I nodded and smiled. I imagined taking all of my cords and plugging them directly into the She She Bang, the luminous Universe, the decadent Divine that loves every inch, pucker, curve, angle, pimple, flesh wound, and asymmetry, the Me of me that guzzles gorgeousness like the ocean guzzles salt. And sure enough, as soon as I plugged back into my divine truth, I felt my cells sigh like they had finally come home. I felt my beauty unfold like it had been waiting for a millennium. And I immediately made an appointment for a pampering facial.
So what beauty outlets are you currently plugged into (even unconsciously)? What are a few things you can do to remember and reveal your true beauty? How bout recreating your own Beauty Myth?
June 8th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
You’re onto something big. Last night I had dinner with an old pal I hadn’t seen in at least a year. He told me how gorgeous I looked. I’d lost maybe 25 pounds since the last time he’d seen me, but that was only part of it. As the night wore on and the conversation got deep, he told me he couldn’t remember seeing me that happy before. My life’s far from perfect, but a lot of things are going better than they have, well, ever. For the first time, I’m seen and heard and loved for who I am, all of who I am.
I’m on the verge of a birthday whose number is upsetting me and a much younger pal told me I never looked more gorgeous. It’s not the pounds and it’s certainly not the age. The more at peace I am with myself, all of the good/bad/weird/unflattering/divine stuff, the better I look.
June 8th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
i found your site following links from namasteyogainrockridge…(i take boatloads of classes there)
very interesting post. As a man, i think alot about the dynamic between men and women, and looks, and how that affects things energetically and subliminaly.
It is true that cute people have a ‘halo effect’ that naturally opens up doors, relationships, interest, support, etc. For some people it can feed back upon itself to the point where they expect certain treatment.
Many old and new spiritual traditions (as usual) seek to ’solve the problem’ by just denying looks altogether. Great. Case closed. Move on to meditation and visions.
The middle way, which seems to be the one that creates the best equanimity, seems to be to use what ya got to energize a level of confidence that naturally attracts good things and good people. How you feel internally is really the true beauty that shines forth, and what gets noticed for the right reasons.
June 8th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Another post I needed to read. I hardly ever think I’m even “pretty”, much less beautiful. It is something I do need to work on, since I’m very short and round - not something you see in magazines as beauty. And the drunk frat boy on Bourbon Street screaming “Look at that fat ass chick on the bicycle!” did wonders for my self-esteem, oh yes. But that sort of thing has happened to me since about junior high.
However! - Since moving to the Big Easy, I have had more people tell me I’m pretty or even beautiful (occasionally). I still have the bad habit of waving it off and saying “yeah, right” or something to that nature, but I do wonder why it’s said to me here more. Is it because I’m more happy here than where I was? Is it because I have lost some weight walking and biking my ass everywhere in 90 degree humid heat? Do people just have a slightly different view on beauty? I don’t know, and I suppose it shouldn’t matter. I should just let Her be my beauty, and start saying “thank you” instead of “oh please” when even the drunkest weirdo calls me gorgeous.
Thanks again for your blog. Always a pleasure to read.
June 9th, 2008 at 6:33 am
wow amazing of course!!!…loved that post and your unconscious beliefs that I am sure are shared by many…anyway how was the Charleston workshop? whats this new documentary going to be called?? I can’t wait!!!
June 9th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
By taking great care of yourself, you can take great care of everything else… if that is your path. People who truly don’t care about themselves seem to have a harder time allowing others to be ’self-caring!’ Judgement comes into play. Yet, you can look really hot, have all sorts of plastic stuff done and still feel empty. Everyone knows deep down that it is not beauty that truly keeps the person coming back to you. It helps, don’t get me wrong, but eventually everybody finds out that it is the beauty WITH the personality and grounded heart the actually ‘moves’ people. Beauty can only take you so far until you have to actually speak with the ones who are attracted to you. The harder some try, the more they seem to rappell that which they seek. Be beautiful! Live in your power; be humble about it, yet still feel great about looking goooooood!
June 9th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Ummm……you had a flesh wound on your face? I remember you saying your parrot had bit you but for some reason it seemed like a more-than-past tense thing. Never noticed anything on your face but your eyes and a smile.
Cheers.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:14 am
I clearly remember my mother brushing the tangles out of my long dark hair as a child. I would stand there in tears, angry, in pain and begging for her to stop. Frustrated, she would simply tell me, “it takes pains to be beautiful”. My five year old self would then scream, “I don’t want to be beautiful”. I agree that beauty has served me well many times and it has also hurt me a time or two due to low self-esteem & poor boundries. I’ve come along way to awaken my inner peace and to experiance my Divine truths. I found the Red Book at precisely the moment my inner Goddess intended (hooray for intuition). Today I continue to say, “thank you” when given a compliment on my appearance, and I find when I’m given a heartfelt observance on my actions, my words, my generous spirit & willingness to help others, I again say, “thank you”, but this time I’m giving thanks to my Divine. Now that my spark has been lit I’m doing whatever it takes to fan the flame!
June 10th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I absolutely LOVE your visualization of unplugging and plugging back in to Goddess! I’ve had issues in this department, too. I just recently began reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, and I think the secret-agent is actually my ego whose theme song is “Not enough” with variations like “More, more, more,” “Woe is me,” etc.
June 10th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
As a woman of a certain age who is 2 years into menopause, the subject of physical ‘beauty’ comes up often between my friends and I. (Most of us are in the same chronologial Boat…)
I appreciated your list of “Truths”…both of them. And my own personal affirmations and self talk closely reflects that second list. Of course, I’d have to wonder if I’d feel quite so sparkly and shiney after saying them if - in fact - I was humpbacked, toothless and balding, rather than a middle aged woman who looks ‘good’ for her age! (and who fights a hereditary propensity for a post-menopausnal shape like SpongeBobs tooth and nail).
You are definitely a beautiful young woman, as the picture on your “About Me” shows. How do you think your life would be different…spiritually…if you hadn’t grown up as one of the fortunate ones?
June 10th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
I read this and laughed hysterically.
Not because you got bitten.
Because my Blue Front Amazon (who no longer lives with me I’m sad to say) once did the same thing. I misread his energy totally and got one ouchie ouchie lip bite. Nothing like a parrot to remind you of your place in their world! Great blog.
June 11th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
I had the pleasure of being at your talk in Mountain View last week. I bought your Red Book, read it and loved it. It was a book I had been looking for. I showed up at 7:30 and asked what was going on? When the woman said “Sera here is giving a talk about her book”, I looked over and your smile captivated me. It was the best part of my day. Thanks.
Yesterday I had a rough day and my looks did not change the outcome, until I went to Yoga class, where I had the gift of humility. When I got to Yoga I felt un-comfortable and alone. Everyone seemed so old and lumpy. I assume I had the right to feel this way, being, handsome, happily married, 48 and a bit out of shape. I was also annoyed that there were no “cute” girls there. After all this is yoga class. As the class proceeded and the instructor engaged me in the class, I started to see the beauty in the people, they were laughing and having a great time. I really felt energized and part of the program in a short period of time. I plan to return to the class next week. It reaffirmed in my mind how judgmental I can be based on first glances, and how I would miss out on so many wonderful experiences if I acted negatively on those first impressions.
I thought “When All Else Fails go to Yoga”
First time blogger.
June 11th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
sorry about your love peck from your parrot pal. painful and mis-timed, but — as these things go and your blog reads — lesson filled.
timely with my adventure while packing up my boxes at my parents’ house. as i neared my last box of items to sort through and toss or re-pack, a saudered frame of double-sided glass slid — hidden — from the top of a box and rammed into the bridge of my nose. never saw it ’til it was smashed on the ground, but oh did i feel it.
so today, to ease the bruised pain, i sip a nice red wine and check out my swollen bridge and slightly bruised eyes. these reminders are what they are. thankfully!
hope your lip heals speedily and easily!
June 12th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
For a long time, I wasn’t very self aware and I guess I didn’t know I was attractive at all. Didn’t cross my mind, I’m not your typical girly girl and I cringe at anything pink & fluffy. I had never been pursued before either.
So you can imagine my utter confusion when in high school I was asked out by the *cutest* guy in my class. My mind just stopped working then and there and I couldn’t answer back anything at all. What do you say when you get run over by a bus out of the clear blue? I ended up bailing out of that scene immediately and have lived to regret it. Now adays, I try a little more to recogize my own beauty and not to get too angry when I recieve catcalls in public.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Woot! Love LOVE love this post. Thank you for a relevant navel-gazing that I could fall into…;> Here is a share on my thoughts of beauty, because there can never be enough:
http://underthewingmothering.blogspot.com/2008/03/ramblin-gods-want-you-to-be-beautiful.html
June 13th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
To start out with I’d like to say how much your book/website/blog is like a warm bubble bath for the inside of my body and my spirit! It is such a joy to read your blog and your book - I tried to slow down when I was reading The Red Book so I wouldn’t devour it in 2 days. Your honesty and humour within your blog is so refreshing, it helps me to remember to ground my feet but let my spirit soar (and to understand why I get that divine kick in the pants when I need it…). It is also wonderful to chew over the different ideas you put forth long after I’ve actually read your blog - they resonate like the echoes of a gong for days.
Thanks so much for your words, your complete honesty and your spark, the world needs all of them right now, and more. Keep them coming!
June 14th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Hi Sera,
Great post! This is a topic with many seemingly conflicting wisdoms or truths. I must admit it was your physical beauty that attracted me first. I saw your picture on Zaadz (Gaia) and found it striking (ironically, it was the picture of you kissing Anaya). What separated you from just being another pretty face; however, was what you had to say in your description of yourself. I was captivated by your depth of wisdom, and ability to beautifully express that in such a creatively entertaining but also profound way. This is what has kept me a devoted fan and inspired me to buy many copies of your book to share with friends and recommend it to others. It is your expressed inner beauty and talent that makes you most beautiful.
I admit, I enjoy seeing and meeting naturally beautiful girls, I’ve met many of them. Most I forget in a very short time. It’s the inner beauty that lingers on my mind and keeps a person in my thoughts.
Being physically attractive I believe, lowers people’s defenses faster. It helps stimulate /create the interaction. It’s the connection though, the shared joy or appreciation of something in common that is inspirational and makes a person really magnetic.
If you think of appreciation as giving and receiving energy, than it is the energy exchange that we are after in life, in relating, in expressing and appreciating beauty. In that sense, it’s the openness of our heart and soul that will bring us the greatest joy and make us truly beautiful.
Shine on you beautiful Goddess!
June 17th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Why am I suddenly remembring the movie with Jeannine Garofolo and Uma Therman, The Truth About Cats and Dogs? One was seen but never heard, the other heard but invisible. Each one had to confront her own demons and screw some stuff up before beginning to be seen and heard.
I was a late-bloomer, lookswise. Parents thought I was cute but boys never noticed me; I was the smart, chunky, dowdy one. I married the first guy who would have me and was very lucky to have escaped safely. It really wasn’t until my 40s, a decade or so after I’d divorced, that I started to be noticed regularly. It’s still rather foreign to me to be the one who’s seen, but now I’m glad I wasn’t conventionally attractive when I was younger. I think I appreciate it more and yet can experience it with a little healthy detachment.
June 19th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Loved the post. I could relate. I have bought into some othe the false beliefs also. I have been up and down in weight all my life. Currently up. When I was younger and at a lower weight there was a curious power. I could walk into a room and men and women would stop and look. There was at times some potential danger-strange guys following me at stores and trying to use me as a pillow on a train. Now although I am heavier-I still feel beautiful-its a inner thing and I have inner power. Thanks for the bloq
June 24th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Thank you for your humor and vulnerability. I love reading your stuff. Today I taught and wrote about how if we can just be more like Nature, who knows her perfection, we wouldn’t have to work so hard in life. Nature doesn’t try to impress us, isn’t unreasonably needy, doesn’t hurt the feelings of others or try to make them feel small… Nature knows her true nature, her perfection. She is herself. Nature is natural. And if humans can tune in to this and be like nature, we can experience genuinely our True Nature - which is wildly astonishing and perfect.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Daaamn. So true, so true. What a post! I found your blog today through Gala Darling’s ICING blog and I’ll probably go ahead and get your book soon too as well as add your blog to my favorites. You basically wrote the kinds of feelings and thoughts I’ve been having since I was young. I would tell my mother how much I wish I could be me but that the world was holding me back. I’m still struggling with coming out of my shell at 24 and I feel I’m at a turning point. Finding you and your work will surely help guide me through my upcoming changes. Thank you!!
June 26th, 2008 at 12:09 am
I too came through iCiNG.
I have to say reading your blog over the past two days has totally flipped my switch. I normally shy away from anything to do with religion or spirituality. Fear of being perceived at non rational or loopy has kept me away.
After reading through, my eyes have been opened to the many winks the universe has been sending my way. I now feel loopy for not paying more attention and I want to thank you for that. My 18th birthday super (15 days) soon and your book is at the top of the list!
June 26th, 2008 at 6:13 am
Hi there Sera,
Got onto your blog via the marvellous Gala Darling (one of my favourite bloggers of all time who went to listen to a talk to you did in New York recently) and I have to say- you make more sense then every single Sunday School, religion lesson and sermon I have been forced to sit through my entire life. I’ve always felt a stronger connection with the Goddess than anything else (snaps more Mary Magdalene, baby) But I think it’s something more than that. You’ve flicked a switch in my head. You’re brilliant. I will be eagerly awaiting your Australian tour (!) and your blog is now on my favourite blogs ever list. I can’t wait to read more!
June 26th, 2008 at 10:26 am
I just stumbled upon this (via Gala Darling as well!) and I think I might be in love. What you’re on about really locks in with what I’ve always felt, which is I Don’t Dig This Whole Religion Thing, But I Don’t Know What To Think So Sometime I’ll Have To Think About It.
Well, it’s summer and I have nothing to do but take my dog on runs, make delicious meals for myself, ride my horse, and read — so time for me to do some reading and thinking!
As far as I’m concerned, the Universe has been sending me all kinds of big, fat kicks in the pants, and this is one of them. I’m happily leaping over from high school to college and my life is full of realizations going YES, this is the way I want to live!
Thank you for adding one more log to the growing fire
June 27th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Hiya, found your blog through myspace, and as a transsexual woman i spend each end every day stressing over my looks, forever feeling paranoid in town that i don’t look feminine enough. After such a stressful day again today in town, worrying what people think of me and how i look, it was great to come home and read your blog. For i know what you say to be true and feel it deep inside me, but at times it is hard to realize my sub-conscious thoughts and feelings, until an external force, as yourself, brings them to the fore! For i feel that i am a beautiful, warm, kind and feminine woman, and it does and should not matter if others cannot see this for i know it to be the truth and must keep reminding myself of this fact! The pressure to conform and fit in are external pressures and should not affect any of us just wanting to be our selves and be accepted, for acceptance comes from within first..free your ass and your mind will follow!! I am very guilty of concentrating on the external and forgetting about the internal..so thank you for bring me back to myself!!
June 27th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I also came across this via Gala Darling at iCiNG today, and it is a good read, but one quote especially struck a chord with me:
“But we often have a difficult time recognizing and honoring beauty when it’s fleshy, sweaty, dirty, and immanently imperfect.”
I am striving to be a vocalist in a rock band once I leave school, and I am confident, and don’t get nervous…apart from that since it’s rock music and that means a lot of movement on stage, I am nervous of the people watching being negative because I’ll be sweaty and dirty from it. However this made me realise that that is silly, they’re there to hear the music and enjoy it, not to make comments on how I look.
Thank you very much
June 28th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Right on! I am one of the fortunate, the pretty ones. I have not come to rely on my looks in any circumstance, because when I grew up, I was the ugly duckling. BUT I was the ugly duckling with heaps of personality. It is not looks that matters, though it certainly may open some doors. The most important thing in this life is to love and accept yourself for who you are. When you love yourself, that love will float like little skies and bless all the people around you. It will make looks ( the Ego) less important and how you feel the main point. Life is fun, contrary to popular belief. You are on a journey, have fun and don`t take yourself too seriously. Laugh at your mistakes, I do, and it is liberating.
June 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Hmm Im 19 Ive always sort of felt i was treated differently because of the way i looked too, its just an odd feeling you cant pin down.
im not beautiful….my only boyfriend repeatedly linked my visage to that of rat.
Er i heard sum one say the world warms to a pretty face and its true…
July 5th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Your writing is amazing. I especially love the quote that is on galadarlings main page right now. And I just ordered your book!
July 15th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Right on for venturing into this territory and stripping bare the beauty myth and it’s attendant privileges…I was really skinny and lily white during those critical teen years and my biggest wound is around that residual feeling that I’m not HOT on a physical level. Getting in touch with my red hot 1st chakra lava on an energetic level and following your red recommendations has generated some new inner hotness that’s beginning to bubble out and make my embodied life much more fun and juicy. So thanks for waving that Redvolutionary flag and calling on us all to stop feeling imprisoned by existence and become living examples of ecstatic bliss!
October 17th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Um…
I really don’t like this post. Ok. We get it. You’re cute. We’ve all seen your pictures.
But making such a big deal out of it is just pointless to me. How is an overweight woman with acne who has been called ugly and fat her whole life going to relate to you? You definitely haven’t convinced me, and I am neither ugly nor fat. That is the point - I feel that it takes a lot more to let go of the social expectations of being pretty. I often feel frustrated by it, I do, on one hand, want to look attractive, on the other, sometimes I wish it weren’t that important and time consuming. It really is a complex issue, and the whole parrot story hasn’t helped me at all. I mean, haven’t you ever had acne or a bad hair day?
I really like your blog, but I feel that this post is just immature.
July 28th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
God, you are unbelievable! “I was soooooo pretty and it afforded me respect and a herd of secret admirers drooling over me and fawning women force-feeding me yummy meals!” Have you ever seen yourself in the mirror? Have you ever heard your ridiculour, childish voice?”