Making Love “divinity style”
If you could make love, have sweaty sublime sex, get down and dirty with any past spiritual teacher, deity, angel, god or goddess, in the entire universe, who would it be and why?
Now before you roll your third eye or cross yourself or finger your prayer beads, know that this slightly provocative idea is nothing close to being new. Truth be told, the divine has been getting it on since time immemorial. For example, the Babylonian goddess Ishtar seduced a mortal man, Gilgamesh. In Canaan, the chief god El has sex with the goddess Asherah. In Egyptian religions, the god Osiris has sex with his sister, the great goddess Isis. The Hindu god Krishna had sex with countless women, often at the same time, as he just multiplied himself (hey, he’s a god. Why have one orgasm, when you can have thousands simultaneously?), but more commonly with his true love, the mortal woman Radha. And don’t get me started with all the libidinous fun the Greek God Zeus had way back in the classical day. And celestial intercourse was experienced, often quite graphically, by many mystics round this world such as St. Theresa, Rumi, Hafiz, and Mirabai, just to name a few.
Now you might be thinking, all well and good for those deities or “special” mortals who managed to attract such illuminated lust, but what about little ol’ ordinary career-climbing, coffee-drinking, occasionally meditative me? To which I’ll say this: Divine booty calls did not just happen in the ancient past. They’re happening right now. All you have to do is wink back. That said, it’s always wise to screen your divine dates, use your intuition, and be sure to check out their history. A few brief examples to get your loins levitating and your mind lubricated:
Jesus Christ: This spiritual teacher is definitely at the top of my “to do” list. With his long hair, tan skin, healing touch, rebel yell, ability to resurrect (wink) himself, and “love your neighbor as yourself” attitude, I’m convinced he’s one helluva Lover. Mary Magdalene concurs. Risks: he gets in trouble with the law (all laws really – socio-cultural, political, religious), hangs extra tight with his male buddies, and might mysteriously disappear for 10 years at a time.
Kali: Um hello, this Hindu goddess has 4 arms and a looong tongue, and she likes to dance naked. Need I say more? Ok, I do. If you can get over the human skulls circling her neck and the human appendages hanging off her waist and her preference for late-night cemetery romps, I’d say you’re good to go, but always with her on top. Risks: your life being destroyed and losing your head (thus your ego). Hint: Watch for the sword.
Buddha: Calm yet awake, mindful, free of dukka, zzzzzzzz. Whoops, sorry, I sort of dozed off there. I mean, could you really imagine him throwing you across his lap for a good spank while he’s in lotus position? Let’s be honest, despite the undeniable enlightenment this glorious being has provided to the planet, he has seriously low sex appeal, not to mention, quite a large belly.
White Buffalo Calf Woman: A beautiful and wise native warrior. She’s what you might call “outdoorsy” and she likes to see you sweat (after all, she introduced sweat lodges to native ceremony). Risks: She smokes, and will ask you to do so too, but this is an honor. Also, please don’t think bad thoughts around her, let her approach you first, and hang on to your flesh (read her myth before you wink).
Dionysus: Graeco-Roman god also known as Bacchus. This intoxicating deity loves to dance, take ecstasy, and party all night long. Risks: He might drive you mad, turn you into an alcoholic, or make you hump trees.
Kwan Yin: She’s compassionate, elegant, serene, and a Buddhist bodhisattva – she’s vowed never to rest until all beings in the entire universe are enlightened. As my friend Marc says, she gives and gives and gives, yet no one gives to her. He knows exactly what he wants to give her in order to make her smile even wider. Risks: there’s really no risk with this lovely goddess, only the risk of not loving her enough. Sigh.
Shiva: Matty-haired Hindu god who knows a thing or five billion about Tantra. Let’s just say he knows how to handle his snake. Risks: He sometimes turns ascetic, likes to cover his body with ashes, and shoot fire out of his third eye.
Aphrodite: The Greek goddess of beauty and love and all things sensual. This would surely be an epic encounter. Risks: She’s vain, moody, jealous, causes wars (Trojan – but at least we got some decent condom jokes from it) and although married to Hephaestus, is definitely polyamorous. You might want to avoid any golden apples she offers.
Rumi: There is nothing sexier than a love-drunk mystic with a holy hangover who dances and drinks wine and sings some of the most beautiful sensual ecstatic love poetry of all time. Count me in on that party. But of course I’d have to make room for Shams. Risks: Drama, tears, constant whirling, and he may not be into women. (btw, all sexual orientations are celebrated in the divine’s bedroom)
A word about Christian angels: Horny. Some of them at least. Well, enough of them that an entire “lost” book of the Bible was written about their lust for human women. So venture at your own risk, and always use protection or at least practice hip-stretching yoga asanas. The Book of Enoch tells us half angel, half human babies are quite large, giants really, and none too pretty. Which reminds me, also beware of devils masquerading as gods or angels – like any new lover, use discernment. When in doubt, say you have a headache and call it a night.
We’ve barely skimmed the divine’s little red book. There are thousands more tantalizing beings to explore. Eventually, with authentic practice, the myriad of divine forms you let into your pants, as well as into your heart, will meld and merge and transmute into one constant all-encompassing Divine Lover. A Lover that is not outside of you or separate from you, but is You. As many mystics know, the more you venture within, the more you play passionately with divinity, the more God/dess you will become. In all truth, a making of love. A constant cosmic orgasm. A modern-day mystico-erotic activist who’s equipped to create some major change on this all-too-often spiritually-frigid planet.
So.
You ready to start blowing the panties off angels and making some deities drool?
I thought so. Feel free to let me know your delectable deities of choice and why.
August 15th, 2007 at 6:02 am
Hi
Fell into you from Morford. i think I’ll hang around for a while, ok?
August 15th, 2007 at 6:32 am
Excellent question . . . Archangels are at the top of my list. There’s no way to relate the following anecdote without sounding naughty and/or crazy, so I’ll speak plainly:
Once, while meditating on a particularly fiery, etherial image I heard a resonant voice intone: “Melt”. I felt a beam of light slip between my legs and lance all the way up my spine to the crown of my head. And melt I did, into a molten golden puddle of bliss! A yummy, sacrelicious encounter that smacks vaugely of the Archangel Michael. I sure wouldn’t mind trysts like that on a regular basis.
Also, I’d love an outdoor romp with any of the lusty, leafy Green Men archetypes, and I agree with you about Jesus. The man must’ve been a fox.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Plus, don’t forget, Jesus can turn water into Astroglide.
August 15th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Kwan Yin: She’s compassionate, elegant, serene, and a Buddhist bodhisattva – she’s vowed never to rest until all beings in the entire universe are enlightened. As my friend Marc says, she gives and gives and gives, yet no one gives to her. He knows exactly what he wants to give her in order to make her smile even wider. Risks: there’s really no risk with this lovely goddess, only the risk of not loving her enough. Sigh……no, no - no sigh - i’m ready to give and give and give as much as you, kwan yin!!…..i love you, i love you, i love you….let us make enlightened love for enternity - let me please you beyond any bohisattva who hast cometh before me - so be it - let us share infinite love until the end of time - or until the wheels fall off……whichever comes first
August 15th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
I’m surprised this doesn’t mention the Greek gods who were always sleeping with the wrong partner, with interesting results.
August 15th, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Buffy Summers.
August 15th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Buffy Summers.
Because dancing with that sassy Slayer sarcasm would be formidable wordplay foreplay. Because she would put her heart and soul into it. Because she looks really great in a mini-skirt.
August 16th, 2007 at 10:42 am
I’d have to say Lilith. I mean there are soooo many to chose from. But really Lilith, Mother of Demons, Paramour of Lucifer. She told adam no, she told the god of abraham no, she is supposed to have had lovers among the angels and the fallen, to be mother of witches. Ya i wanna do the horizontal tango (and vertical tango too) with Lilith.
August 16th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Lugh has visited me at least twice. Boy howdy, yes indeedy, Lugh.
August 17th, 2007 at 10:44 am
I would boink the Om Nama Shivaya GodNess within me, manifest in the fleshy HereNow. Maybe in a three-way with Black Tara.
August 18th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
I’d go for Asherah. She used to be the consort of Yahweh, but they’ve been going through “a period of separation” aka “the patriarchy.” Basically, she hasn’t gotten laid in like 4000 years. But this isn’t just mercy sex. One of Asherah’s earliest depictions was the form of a tree - the Tree of Life. Asherah, I’d climb all up in your branches. Who wouldn’t? Added intrigue - trying to sneak around behind the back of an omnipotent (and impotent?) God.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:41 am
Kali is a good two shoes, I want Durga, her down & sweaty aspect.
August 21st, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Dumuzid, Inana’s boy toy of choice…he could plow my vulva.
Hope to see you on the playa, Cowgirl.
September 23rd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Just wanted to say you’re a crack up. I’m not ready to answer your question though. I’m too uptight.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:19 am
I would have to say, Anna, Grandmother of Jesus. If you have read her book….some of the portions made even ME blush! She lived to be 620 years…if I remember correctly… There HAS to be some serious experience there! Book is called…Anna, Grandmother of Jesus! Second choice would have to be any Lemurian (female) Being of the past. Have solid, have spirit? Mega-vibrations there!
February 12th, 2008 at 12:41 am
Re: JC’s “ability to resurrect (wink) himself”
hahahaha!! You’re hilarious…but making me feel a tad inadequate!!!
Nick
March 5th, 2008 at 8:52 am
A precious friend gave me a copy of your book not long ago. So far, I’ve only been able to nibble. Utterly delicious. She may have been trying to hint at my woefully inadequate understanding of feminine energy and its many manifestations. She may have been warning me about that shadowy stuff lurking in my own psyche. I could be headed for trouble. Or maybe things will work out without dreadful karmic explosions.
So I plugged in to your blog and got hooked by the linguistic bacchanalia of it all. The words are like wine around here.
What I wanted to mention, and also ask, about this entry relates to a friend of mine. Another one. She’s a talented poet who studied with Anne Waldman. One time she and Anne were debating whether or not a woman can actually DO a guy, or if she is always DONE. She never finished telling me where Anne settled on the issue. My question, Cowgirl, is where do YOU fall on the issue?
My comment relates to the thought I had about this question. It seems to me the myths reveal a few things. The story that came to mind when my friend told me about her chat with Anne Waldman was of Anchises and Aphrodite. Miss Thang disguised herself as a mortal and got together with Anchises, a married man I think. She kept him going for TWO WEEKS. Two weeks of goddess love tempts me to put Aphrodite at the top of my list. You KNOW that girl must have skills. But, when Anchises found out he had been with a goddess that whole time, his first reaction was fear for his manhood. Goddess love is apparently so powerful it can put a man out of the game altogether. That suggests to me that the male psyche senses the power of the feminine and surely feels it can not only be DONE, but OVER-done. Various taboos related to the female anatomy reinforce this suspicion. We know you all are way powerful, and it makes us tremble. Sometimes sweetly. Sometimes out of shear fright.
The main comment I have is: maybe this little danger should be added to Aphrodite’s list of risks. As with all great fems, you better be ready to risk everything. The other problem was that, once Anchises was assured of his manhood, he couldn’t help himself and had to brag a little. Zeus promptly zapped him in the leg, making him lame for life. The risks are at every turn in this game of the ego’s little deaths (and potentially unholy resurrections–though I’m not ready to try Jesus as a way to overcome that . . . maybe Persephone).
April 9th, 2008 at 12:28 am
I LOVE this!!!
I got all excited and was thinking about who would be my choice, when I made the stuipd mistake of telling my christian friends about it, to put it lightly…they didn’t take it well. I am laughed at when I talk to the universe, and openly meditate in front of my altar. I find it frustrating that if you say anything negative about any particular ” RELIGION” you are bombarded with angry responses but as soon as I start to talk about my more “new-agey” beliefs they are shot to hell. Especially at my age (19).
So thank godess for you Sera Beak, for were it not for you, I would have given up on humanity as a whole.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
@Amphibious - Actually Durga is probably more traditionally acceptable than Kali. There is no way you could describe Kali as a goody-two-shoes.