Spiritual Cowgirl

“By passion the world is bound, by passion, too, the world is released”

- Hevajra Tantra

What does angel sweat taste like?

Take a fun and saucy QUIZ here

For a more indepth look at your fine Goddessey self, check out Goddesses in Everywoman: A New Psychology of Women by the awesome Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D.

According to Bolen, I’m an Artemis/Aphrodite archetype. What does this mean?

I’m partly a virgin (my Dad will be so pleased)

Bolen says Jungian Analyst Ester Harding says (sheesh) this about the Artemis archetype

“An important part of her psyche ‘belongs to no man’. Consequently, as Harding described it: ‘A woman who is a virgin, one-in-herself, does what she does - not because of any desire to please, not to be liked, or to be approved, even by herself: not because of any desire to gain power over another, to catch his interest or love, but because what she does is true. Her actions may indeed be unconventional. She may have to say no, when it would be easier, as well as, more adapted, conventionally speaking, to say yes. But as a virgin she is not influenced by the considerations that make the nonvirgin woman, whether married or not, trim her sails and adapt herself to expediency”.

But it’s not all ooh la la go team go - those who embody an Artemis archetype can also be inaccessible, merciless, extremely independent, stubborn, and have a strange tendency to run away from men. uh huh. Which is especially interesting when mixed with the Aphrodite archetype

I’m partly a sex kitten (my Dad will so not be pleased)

Bolen says this about the Aphrodite archetype:

“This archetype governs women’s enjoyment of love and beauty, sexuality and sensuality. It’s the realm of The Lover. She has a personal magnetism that draws others closer into an erotically charged field that enhances sexual awareness. When sensuality and sexuality in women are degraded - as in Judeo-Christian, Moslem, and other patriarchal cultures, the woman who embodies Aphrodite the lover is considered a temptress or whore. Aphrodite women may be ostracized. Aphrodite is a tremendous force for change. Through her flow attraction, union, fertilization, incubation, and birth of new life. Creative work comes out of an intense and passionate involvement - almost as if with a lover.”

The downside of the Aphrodite archetype: She has a tendency to treat people as “out of sight out of mind”. She lives a bit too much in the present and therefore doesn’t always make the “best” decisions. And, of course, she’s got luuv drama. “Her warm and attentive mode of relating may also be misread by men who mistakenly assume that she is especially interested in them or sexually attracted to them. Then, when she rebuffs them, she maybe thought of as a heartbreaker or tease, and blamed for leading men on”.

According to these particular definitions my dating life would be super fun: hey hotstuff, come closer, let’s give each other hot olive-oil massages with golden apples, uh, OK, that’s a bit too close, I gotta go hunt or run or something…alone. Good times.

I’m of course made up of a whole host of other archetypes according to Caroline Myss - such as The Hermit, the Child, the Prostitute, The Saboteur, The Healer, The total goofball who tends to have a sense of humor of a 10 year old boy. So many archetypes for just one woman. Well, I can tell you one archetype I definitely do NOT embody, The Chef.

I’m also none of the above. I’m certainly not interested in attaching my ever-evolving self to any stagnant labels or definitions for too long, or else I might prevent myself from shedding archetypes like a snake sheds her old skin. They’re helpful to learn from, but not to cling to. Hmmm, how very Artemis of me.

So what archetypes do you play patty cake with? What primal characters lick your inner psyche and buff your soul to shine? What do they teach you about yourself?

If you spent all night getting it on with God/dess, what would your morning breath smell like?

Something friendly must be in the air because I was asked a version of this question about a dozen times this past week via email and in one comment on this blog. So, I’ve posted my comment/”answer” below…

Hey there lovely you,

That’s a tough one, and unfortunately, a common situation. In my universe, I’ve noticed there can often be bit of friction when someone within a tight group of friends changes in a way that directly or indirectly encourages others to change. Even if you’re not advertising about yer fabulous new “inner development” - your close friends will notice you changing…and from what I know of you (yes, you!) this change is pretty deep and soulful and you’re blooming forth something fierce.

And as you know, it’s not an easy thing to become and boldly be our true selves in a world and society that often tries to make us be something or someone else - a woman who “fits in” (no matter what group you belong too - a conservative or liberal or even a funky pagan alt one - there’s still a “fitting in” pressure with subtle undercurrents). I believe most people, at some level, crave to know themselves and to truly be themselves, but the work it takes to become self realized - all the excavating and confronting and releasing and loving — is not for the faint at heart. Let’s face it, it’s much easier to pop an anti-depressant and turn on the T.V.

All this rambling is to say that we always “pick up” (consciously and/or unconsciously) when someone close to us is going for It - diving deep within, throwing away the blinders, becoming their own authority, taking the red pill (sorry for the matrix ref) - this will inevitably highlight the areas in our own life (if we’re conscious of them or not) where we’re not quite “going for It”. Hanging out with a person who is on the fast track to “knowing themselvesville” can sometimes be like looking at our own faces in a magnifying mirror under flouresecnt lights. Not so purdy. Not so flattering. Unless you’re on the same rip-roaring track and schedule, then you might react to this spiritual highlighting with a “giddy up partner, turn up the voltage, and let’s ride!”

Another thing I’ve noticed: Sometimes when a close friend starts getting more involved with “spirituality” we might automatically think “shit, now she’s gonna judge me, or think I’m not “spiritual” or get all new agey and weird and start chucking crystals at me and chanting or just become all blissed out and no fun when we go to a bar or start gossiping or just have any sort of wild crazy fun” and so on and so forth. I know it sounds duh, but you’d be surprised how much baggage we carry around about what “becoming more spiritual” looks like. And it’s no wonder cause there are a lot of severely messed up, annoying, and downright boring “spiritual people” floating around out there.

I have no idea if any of this is happening with you and your friends right now, but I do witness variations of this experience often. The one thing I am certain of is this: If you trust your inner voice, your divine spark, your higher self, your buddha nature or whatever you might call it, you will eventually find an amazing group of friends to support you in your process - cause like attracts like, and these peeps will be snuggling up close with their own spirits (in their own unique ways) and they will keep fanning your inner flame, not trying to douse it.

And sometimes, it’s just about us becoming more comfortable with boogieing down our own path, not worrying if others boogie down with us. Letting others be whatever it is they need to be right now will energetically make your friends feel more comfortable around you. You said you’re not preaching etc, and that’s key.

There’s a careful balance we all try to practice – loving and accepting and supporting others while not compromising ourselves. Ideally, we learn to simply live our message - without having to tell everyone about it (unless your intuition nudges you to share your process publicly, gulp, see below posts). We don’t have to talk about it. We just do it. We just are it. By creating our own freedom, we naturally allow others their freedom, and this is a rare and precious thing. I believe, that’s what true friendship is all about. And it looks like you’re turning this fancy belief into experiential knowing, into your lived reality. Congrats!

You can also just have your friends over for a causal evening of wine and yummy eats and bring it up with them. Tell them you feel a bit left out or you sense they are taking distance from you and you’re wondering if it’s because of this new stuff you’re getting into? Ask them if they’re scared your gonna get all freaky on them and start dropping Sanskrit names? Ask them if you’re getting preachy or sound like a late-night infomercial? Apologize if you are – explain how you’re just super excited about this new piece of your life. Be honest. Tell them what your intent is with your inner development and that you in no way are trying to push your path on to them and if you ever sound like it they have your permission to pinch your ass. Hard. Confront them lovingly and with humor and good wine and see what sort of discussion comes out. Really, really listen to them and pay attention to your response.

Ok, this is a long response to your question and there is much more I could say, but I’ll save it for another day. I hope some of this helped, let me know how it goes. Thanks for burning so bright – it’s inspiring.

In friendship,
sera